I Don't even Like You

This is confession time for me.

I realised about late 2023 or last year that I don’t even like GOD. I don’t (I didn’t) like spending time with GOD. If you put me and GOD in the same room, I would be so bored and want to get out of that place - fast.

Don’t be mistaken, I loved the drama of GOD moving during the services, concerts, events - the electric feeling, the shakings, the theatrics - people falling under the anointing and all that. But if you put me in a quiet place with Him, I’ll be like, ‘get me out of here.’

Don’t be fooled. I pray - I can pray very well. I pray for hours. I pray for people and GOD does answer; I am a prayer warrior (that’s the Grace GOD has given me). I can pray for long hours; so I’m not talking about praying - talking to GOD, asking for things. Most of the time I am asking for things for people, so I'm not talking about selfish me, myself and I prayer.

I could worship as well, when the music is playing (genuine worship), even without external music.

What I’m talking about is intimacy- friendship, relationship, enjoying His company and letting Him enjoy my company, loving on Him. Can you imagine? I didn’t even like GOD but I’m planning on spending eternity with Him (eternity is not Disney forever after) - eternity, ever lasting. I couldn’t even linger in His presence, being quiet before Him and waiting, waiting, waiting for Him to come, to speak.

In one of Pastor Stephanie Ike Okafor’s message; she mentioned how GOD had instructed her to meet Him in her prayer closet at a specific time everyday. In obedience, she would wake up daily, to meet GOD at this time but alas, it seemed GOD wasn’t there. This, she said continued everyday for about five months (when she said this, I was like, I would have stopped, if it was me. I know myself).

She kept going everyday into the presence of GOD that seemed GOD wasn’t there until one morning when she went as usual and GOD’s presence was so palpable in the place that she couldn’t even say anything; she just fell on her face. She said she asked GOD, “where were You all this while?” And the LORD responded, “I’ve been here all along.”

That, is loving GOD. No wind, no fire, no earthquake but still going daily.

I couldn't do that. I'll rather quickly leave and go to my comfortable place - netflix. I preferred netflix's company and I intend spending eternity with the everlasting GOD. I couldn't until I learnt that GOD intends for me to have a worship life with Him apart from Sundays. He desires relationships with me; He wants me to come daily to ask what’s on His heart, to tell Him I love Him. To go to Him and ask for more of Him and nothing else (even when I have dire needs).

I’m learning little by little to just come and love on Him. Not with my agenda, not with what I want but to just come and bow before Him, tell Him that I love Him and just linger in His presence once in a while. I’m learning to dance before Him with no music, worship Him when no one is there, without asking for anything but Him. I’m learning to say, ‘I love you LORD,’ every now and again. I’m learning to condition my heart little by little to the beauty of His holiness. And to tell Him I want Him and that I need Him.

Isn’t it funny that we want to spend eternity with Jesus but we prefer spending time with social media than Him? We say we’re joined to the LORD but we’re in relationship with Instagram, TikTok and Netflix, our jobs, etc.

If there’s no theatre, no drama, no promises, no miracles, do we really like spending time with our LORD?

When there’s no music and He’s not even giving a Word, will I still just sit with Him in the quiet (comfortable silence), in His presence like friend to friend? Will you?!

When I’m desperate to hear His voice and He’s not saying anything; and He’s not coming, will I wait for Him to come? Will you?!